Prepare To Die (Blue)

Are you seeking revenge on a man with six fingers on his right hand? Have you dedicated your life to the study of fencing? Are you not left-handed? Familiar with Bonetti's Defense and Agrippa? Then this is the shirt for you, my friend. Passing it up would be inconceivable.

Also available on a brown shirt.

Ronald McJoker

We believe this city deserves a better class of t-shirt, and we're gonna give it to them. We believe you deserve a break today. And we believe whatever doesn’t kill you simply makes you. . . stranger.

Aircraft ID - Blue

49 U.S.C. subtitle IX--ch. 701, sections 70101-70121, (the Act) provides for the Department to grudgingly tolerate and reluctantly accept civilian assistance in identifying airborne objects which by performance, aerodynamic characteristics, or unusual features, do not conform to any presently known aircraft or missile type, or which cannot be positively identified as a familiar object.

Hello Cthulhu

Phase One was to win the hearts of a worldwide army of weak mortals, all in the guise of cuteness, pinkness and kitty-ness. The use of a bow on one ear and an array of equally cute "friends" aided in achieving this feat of near-universal psychological dominion.

Now -- Phase Two. The stars and the earth are once more ready for Them, ready for a glorious resurrection. All the earth will flame with a holocaust of ecstasy and freedom!

Donnie's Deadline

If a Tangent Universe occurs, it will be highly unstable, sustaining itself for no longer than several weeks.

28 days... 6 hours... 42 minutes... 12 seconds. That... is when the world... will end.

Rekall, Inc.

Do you dream of a vacation at the bottom of the ocean? But you can’t float the bill?

Have you always wanted to climb the mountains of Mars? But now you’re over the hill?

Then come to Rekall, Incorporated. Where you can buy the memory of your ideal vacation. Cheaper, safer and better than the real thing. So don’t let life pass you by. Call Rekall. For the memory... of a lifetime.

Little Lebowski Urban Achievers

These are Mr Lebowski's children, so to speak. Racially, he's pretty cool, you might ask? No, no, no. They're not literally his children. They're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers. Inner city children of promise, but without the necessary means for a higher education.

Prepare To Die

Are you seeking revenge on a man with six fingers on his right hand? Have you dedicated your life to the study of fencing? Are you not left-handed? Familiar with Bonetti's Defense and Agrippa? Then this is the shirt for you, my friend. Passing it up would be inconceivable.

Also available on a light blue shirt.

I'll Be Back

"I'm a friend of Sarah Connor. I was told that she's here; could I see her please?" Whenever a badass cyborg assassin from the future asks you something like that, don't be difficult. You may run them off at first, but rest assured: they'll be back.

Cthulhu Loathes You

Cthulhu loathes me, this I know / For the Necronomicon tells me so / Little ones to Him belong / They are weak but He is strong

What Would Steve Do?

Some examples of the Zen of Steve:

"It's really hard to design products by focus groups. A lot of times, people don't know what they want until you show it to them."

"Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower."

"Why join the navy if you can be a pirate?"

"I'm as proud of what we don't do as I am of what we do."

Price is Wrong

A handy phrase whenever you kick Bob Barker's ass. Just make sure you can keep him down.

Jedi Mind Trick

You don't need to see his identification.

These aren't the droids you're looking for.

He can go about his business.

Move along.

Replicant

Replicants are like any other machine. They're either a benefit or a hazard. If they're a benefit, it's not my problem.

Gun Kata

The gun kata treats the gun as a total weapon, each fluid position representing a maximum kill zone, inflicting maximum damage on the maximum number of opponents while keeping the defender clear of the statistically traditional trajectories of return fire.

Minimum Flair

Whether you work at Chotchkie's or not, you can express yourself just fine. And you don't need 37 pieces of flair to do it.

What Would Ripley Do?

Q: What would Ripley do? A: Duct tape a pulse rifle to a flamethrower, nuke the site from orbit, and hop in a powerloader to kick some alien bitch out the airlock! If they don't like it, they can bill you!

Donnie's Deadline [misprint]

If a Tangent Universe occurs, it will be highly unstable, sustaining itself for no longer than several weeks.

28 days... 6 hours... 42 minutes... 12 seconds. That... is when the world... will end.

We had trouble getting this design to print the way we wanted, so we're selling these early misprints for almost nothing. See photos of the final shirt on our blog.

More Impressive With Armor On

Of course you can't stroll around town in full armor. Sometimes you're just out in jeans or shorts and a t-shirt - comfortable, but not exactly intimidating. This shirt will remind people that you'd be a force to reckon with, if you hadn't left your helmet and breastplate at home.

Ceiling Cat

O NOES, IM IN UR CEILING, WATCHIN U MASTRB8!!11! A cat... in your ceiling... watching you... judging you. You never see it coming. But it always sees you coming. Ceiling cat disapproves.

I Dominate My Dojo

You may be fighting children, but what matters is if you're all at the same skill level. It's not about the size of the opponent, it's, uh, the ferocity. Any doofus would know that. [Note: no relation to the Dojo JavaScript toolkit. Unless you want there to be one.]

Stormtrooper

Sure they're not a very good shot with a blaster (unless it's really Luke or Han in disguise, of course), but you have to admit: the mask is intimidating. (Note that the women's size of this shirt comes in white, and is NOT a ringer)

Shuriken

Sword hidden in hand

Throwing, stabbing or slashing

Shurikenjutsu

Commodore Loader

Forget these newfangled, expensive games the kids play these days! Dust off your Commodore-64, throw the floppy for Archon, M.U.L.E. or Ultima III into your 1541 floppy drive, and enter this magic invocation.

It's a Trap

The wise and observant words of the Supreme Commander of the Rebel Fleet, Admiral Ackbar. A useful phrase in many situations (e.g., whenever you're ambushed by the Imperial Navy).

Laughing Che

Sure, Che - we know you think that the socio-economic inequalities of the world call for guerrilla resistance and revolution. But you don't have to be so serious about it all the time. Lighten up, Che!

Cthulhu For President

The amateurs, Democrats, Republicans, etc., have had their chance. And though lately some of them have been pretty evil, none can compare to the Dread Cthulhu. Vote for Him! Then the liberated Old Ones will teach mankind new ways to shout and kill and revel and enjoy themselves, and all the earth will flame with a holocaust of ecstasy and freedom. The stars are right!

Döner Kebab

Without a doubt, the best of all the lamb- or mutton-based German fast foods that originated in Turkey and which are served wrapped in flat bread. Someday you'll be able to order a McDöner - until then, here's your shirt (red cabbage not included).

Mark It Zero

You mark that frame an 8, and you're entering a world of pain. Has the whole world gone crazy? Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules? MARK IT ZERO!

Level 70

You've reached the top. Horde or Alliance, Orc or Dwarf, you are at the apex of your gaming career. The coolest raiment available from the Coilfang Reservoir to Karazhan, this shirt is the endgame to your endgame.

Die in a Fire

Drowning and electrocuting are much too good for you. Burn, baby, burn.

vi oldskool

A big shout-out for the all the old school homies who are smart enough to kick it vi-style. Command mode, yo; what? what? If you've ever typed "ESC-j-j-j-i" into a Word document, this is your shirt; serious.

Ninjas Killed My Family

Luckily, they chose to adopt you as a member of the clan, and raise you to adulthood in absolute secrecy. Now you are one of the them, and your next mission involves the death of a few irritating pirates...

Ouija Pro

Now that you've come to, and the séance is over, remember the message of the ouija board: B U Y T H I S F A R O U T S H I R T

Medieval On Your Ass

O beloved brethren, I solemnly enjoin thee not to shrink from my good intent, through base change of heart, lest thee be deplorably afflicted by barbaric fury. Or, said elsewise, I'll go to work on thee with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. Thou hear me talkin', hillbilly boy? I ain't through with thee by a damn sight.

Mental Telepathy

We already know you'll like this shirt. And we know your size, mailing address and credit card number. But we're also seeing that you'd be mad if we shattered your illusion of free will, so we'll wait for you to order it yourself.

Geek Inside

16 THz Octa-Core CPU (overclocked) / 36 PB RAM / hot-swappable RAID 101 array / fiber optic bus / liquid cooling system / 10 nanometer fab / full plug-and-play support / IQ 130-200

lrn2play

No skilz? Better lrn2play, and come back tomorrow.

Javaholic

Whether you're hooked on the kind of java you drink, the kind of Java you code, or both - this is the highly-caffeinated shirt for you.

Peace Through Superior Firepower

"I wanna introduce you to a personal friend of mine. This is an M41A pulse rifle. Ten millimeter with over-and-under thirty millimeter pump action grenade launcher." - Corporal Dwayne Hicks

Power

Feeling powerless? Try this on for size, and at least you'll be able to turn yourself on (or off).

Live Long And Prosper

Rumor has it that Leonard Nimoy originally wanted Spock's catchphrase to be, "What'chu talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Thankfully he settled on this instead.

Statistical Anomaly

Maybe you're way above average, or maybe you're way below average. It all depends on the Y axis.

Cthulhu Lives

Heed the call of the dread Cthulhu! Heed all who would be doomed, but serve a final and inevitable purpose! Heed ye acolytes of the Great Old One who sleeps beneath the waves in sunken R'lyeh. Heed the call of the dread Cthulhu! Cthulhu lives!

Robe & Wizard Hat

Bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?

BritneySpears14: Aight.

Bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.

BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.

Bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.

I'm Attacking The Darkness

Why are you casting magic missile? There's nothing to attack here, you Summoner Geek.

Let The Games Begin

By Imperial Dictate, let all who would game strap on their swords, equip their most fortunate dice, and show up on time with a six-pack of mountain dew or a bag of chips!

Jolly Roger

Avast, ye scurvy dogs. If the best skull & crossbones ye be searchin' for, look no further. Put away your treasure map, matey, ye've struck it rich here!

Fifteen shirts on the dead man's chest --
Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum
Drink and the devil had done for the rest --
Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum

Shirt of Death

Beware my flaming sword! Beware my mystic gauntlets! But most of all, beware my Shirt of Death, for its power is as absolute as it is inevitable!

Emotions Are Alien To Me

The immortal words of Mr. Spock still ring true two centuries before he speaks them. And tricorder readings show them to be completely logical and valid.

I Make Shit Up

Ask me anything. Let me tell you, I'll have an answer - and I guarantee it will be interesting.

Raptor Jesus

It turns out the Bible is way off on the whole time scale thing. And yes, Jesus was, in fact, a carnivorous dinosaur. And he and his entire dinosaur race went extinct, so that we might live.

I Love Guns

What's cuter and more cuddly than a baby Glock, or a small frame S&W .357 magnum? Well, maybe an H&K P2000 SK in .40 caliber...

NPC

Some non-player characters are nothing, just part of the scenery: gate guards, saucy tavern wenches or armor merchants. Others are much more significant, from the area warlord to the mysterious hag giving cryptic clues about your quest. Which kind of NPC are you? Or are you all of them?

Pi

If you think math is cooler than numerology, or even if you're just trying to pick a favorite number, this is the shirt for you. And yes, that's the digits of pi in the background (see this close-up).

I Believe

Wear this shirt and we guarantee it will keep Them from abducting you and performing uncomfortable outpatient procedures on you aboard their ship. At least as far as you can remember.

Nips

The next best thing to going shirtless! Or, for some of us, much, much better than actually going shirtless. Warning: not suitable for shirts vs. skins sporting events.

Nessie

Deep in the icy waters of Loch Ness dwelleth a creature as ancient as it is elusive. Tends to discourage the swimmers.

Fairy Fucking Princess

For that special someone who spreads pixie dust and a damn fine attitude wherever they go.

Big Foot

You know what they say about having big hands and big feet, don't you?

Low Hit Points

I know what you're thinking: 'Does he have six hit points, or only five?' Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, PUNK?

Pizzatarian

Both strict pizzatarians and relaxed pizzatarians (those who also occasionally have chips) can now finally declare their food allegience.

Nipple Pinch

Every time a man's nipple is pinched, a midget is born. Prove it's not true!

Mad Scientist

It's alive! It's alive! IT'S ALIVE! Bwa ha ha ha ha! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ahem.

Binary Geek

Yes, that's "Geek" in binary. Geek.

Cod Is Watching

So be good, or at least avoid excessive fishing.

I Spell Fun R-P-G

That's "role playing game," but of course you knew that, didn't you?

Big Brother is Watching

Nobody has ever seen Big Brother. His function is to act as a focusing point for love, fear, and reverence; emotions which are more easily felt towards an individual than towards an organization. We may be reasonably sure that he will never die, and there is already considerable uncertainty as to when he was born.

I Spell Fun D-&-D

Roll percentile dice to see if you should buy this shirt. Actually, if you even own percentile dice, you should buy this shirt.

Precious Made Us

If this excuse worked for Gollum, maybe it'll work for you!

Fluorine Uranium Carbon Potassium

Thanks to phosphorous, "P" was taken, leaving "K" for potassium (obviously)...

My Other Shirt is +5 Chainmail

You can't wear your +5 chainmail everywhere, can you? Here's the shirt you need when it's in the laundry or lost in your room.

Shirt Of Protection

It may look like a normal t-shirt to certain lower level (or lower intelligence) individuals, and that's why it's important to warn them.

Shirt of Invisibility

We sell a version that's activated, but the page for those is also invisible.

My Alter Ego Is A Superhero

"My alter ego is a superhero with impressive muscles and cool powers and a cape"

But by day, you can wear this t-shirt.

Roll To See If I'm Drunk

You guys are being attacked.

Do I see that happening?

NO! You're outside by the tavern.

Cool, I'm getting drunk, are there any girls there?

Settle This Like Gamers

"Let's settle this like gamers - and let the dice decide."

Trekkie

This is the t-shirt of the silhouette of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds; to seek out new wearers and new civilizations; to boldly go where no shirt has gone before.

Blue Eyes / Grey Eyes

"It says I have blue, but I decided I wanted grey eyes"

If you're a true Summoner Geek, you know the importance of eye-color choice in your role-playing success.

PEBKAC

PEBKAC == Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair. That is, the number one cause of computer trouble: operator error.

Holy Spirit - Magic Whiskey

Saint Augustine said, "O Holy Spirit, descend plentifully into my heart. Enlighten the dark corners of this neglected dwelling and scatter there Thy cheerful beams." Which kind of spirit do you think he was talking about?

He's Dead, Jim

Perhaps Dr. "Bones" McCoy's most famous quote - that tricorder presided over the deaths of untold nameless crew members and minor aliens.

I Speak Jive

"'S'mofo butter layin' me to da' BONE! Jackin' me up... tight me!"
"Oh stewardess - I speak jive... He said that he's in great pain and he wants to know if you can help him."
The shirt for all jive ass interpreters.

Born a Poor Black Child

Something to wear when the new phone book arrives. Something to wear when searching for a new job. Something to keep you from looking like The Jerk at parties.

Nuke The Site From Orbit

Let's just bug out and call it even, OK? I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure. Even if this installation does have a substantial dollar value attached to it.

They Use Photoshop

Where have these strange, possibly hostile alien beings come from? What gives them their supernatural power to alter the very images we take for reality? What unforeseen horrors will they wreak upon us next? What do they want from us?! Also, aside from the Photoshop jockeys, what about the extraterrestrials?

All Kinds of Guns

All Kinds of Guns For All Kinds of People - embrace the diversity!

Super Villain

Doom, the Dread Dormammu, and even the Mighty Galactus quake before my sinister power! At least they do when i shake the comic just right.