Far Out Shirts

Ellen Ripley returns - believe it or not!

2010-01-19T06:29:00.000-08:00

Esteemed cinematic artists James Cameron, Sigourney Weaver and Andy Samberg have created a new masterpiece in the film genre known as "science fiction". (Blurg insists it is comedic, but I fail to see the humor in such a gripping tale.)

In honor of the return of Ellen Ripley to motion pictures, all our Aliens-inspired shirts are on sale until Jan. 23.

Aired on the United States television show "Saturday Night Live" (though inexplicably unviewable in other political divisions of your planet, please enjoy this short video entertainment: LASERCATS 5.

Sale Continuation & "Christmas" Delivery

2009-12-15T19:19:00.001-08:00

Quickly. Make note of these two facts.

01. The expiration of our sale-priced prices has been extended. Due to end on Dec. 14, the $10/$15 prices will now remain in effect until Dec. 21. Will they be extended again beyond this new horizon? One never knows, but it is estimated to be Highly Unlikely.

02. The expiration of your chance to order a t-shirt garment from us and receive it in time for inclusion in your holiday merrymaking, also originally stated as Dec. 14, has NOT been extended. We apologize to you and whatever deity your parochial race is celebrating, but we are unable to move any faster in this atmosphere.

END COMMUNICATION

Difficult-To-Believe $10/$15 Winter Sale

2009-11-29T17:42:00.000-08:00

Attention revelers and gift-givers of Earth.

In anticipation of the massive exchange of gifts which many of the inhabitants of your planet undertake around the winter solstice, we have once again drastically reduced the prices of our upper body garments.

You may have difficulty believing the extent of these discounts. That is normal. Breathe deeply and consume depressants and/or sedatives as necessary to aid you. Your eyes do not deceive you; these prices are real in your plane of existence.

All clearance-level garments (which are, frankly, extremely numerous) are being sold for only $10. All remaining shirts, even the most sought-after and best selling, can be purchased for just $15, a discount of approximately 21.0526315789474%.

See the $10 clearance shirts here, and see the $15 sale shirts over there.

Note: to ensure your order arrives before the observed anniversary of the birth of the Christian figure Jesus on December 25, you must place your order with us on or before December 14. (Or you must be able to travel through time, though of course the very few of you who possess this ability already knew/know/will know that.)

END COMMUNICATION

Amazing 1-cent Clearance Sale

2009-10-18T11:04:00.000-07:00

Attention inhabitants of Earth's Blogosphere.

An unprecedented "sale" is taking place currently at Far Out Shirts. We have identified many designs that have not sold well enough to continue offering at full price. We will exchange them to you for the very surprisingly low price of only one cent ($0.01 USD).

All you have to do first is buy another shirt at full price. That is something you should have done in any case. So as you see, this benefits nobody but you.

Conversely, failing to take advantage of this temporary economic situation may in fact cause harm to your personal finances. We are unable to bear any blame for such an untoward consequence.

There is no limit. You may procure as many 1-cent clearance garments as you like in this manner.

Lastly, the inventory of these items is now limited. This seems self-evident to me, but I was told to stress this seemingly obvious point: once the clearance garments are gone, we will have no more of that size/style/number of neckholes/etc.

Do not fail yourself and do not hesitate. Go forth and purchase in mass quantities.

END COMMUNICATION

New Shopping Cart in Beta

2009-09-19T16:50:00.001-07:00

Attention human shoppers of our upper-body garments.

In order to offer you more sophisticated buying options, such as "coupons" and "freebies" and "BOGO", our engineering staff has developed a new "shopping cart" system. It should work like the shopping cart systems of the trillions of other shopping outlets available from your Internet-capable personal computers.

If it does not work correctly in any way, please contact us at once. Your effort will be rewarded.

For a very limited time, all shirts will be deeply discounted. This is to entice more rapid consumption and allow us to verify that shopping functionality is unimpeded. Thank you for your continued cooperation.

END COMMUNICATION

UPDATE: The limit of the limited time has been reached. Gratitude extended to all test subjects/"customers". Prices returned to normal for now. Keep vigilant watch for forthcoming additional discounts.

Vote On Proposed Design, Ronald McJoker

2009-07-29T04:09:00.000-07:00

Attention puny, fickle inhabitants of Earth.

We have received orders from the S15B Area Council on Imperial Explortation that all new shirt garment designs must be "market-tested" prior to their production.

This is due, they tell us, to the "unacceptable waste of resources" represented by previous designs. They do not mention clever yet poor-selling ventures like "I'll Be Back", but all of us here at Production Base Oolphå know what they're referring to.

Therefore, before additional garments can be introduced, we must subject you People to additional testing. Please consider this proposed design, opine upon it, and answer 3 multiple choice questions regarding it. If enough of you People like it, we'll manufacture it.

Take the survey for "Ronald McJoker" now.

END COMMUNICATION

Monstrous Cthulhu Sale

2009-07-25T08:18:00.000-07:00

It's time for another big Far Out Shirts sale. All of our best-selling Cthulhu shirts are discounted: just $13! (2XL & larger add a buck or two.)

This includes our newest and cutest design featuring the horrific monster-god: Hello Cthulhu. Get them before the sale ends, August 8.

See all the shirts in this monstrous sale.

We've also included some other great deals in there, some as low as $4. Some of them are closeout designs, so don't wait. Once they're gone, they're gone.

New Shirt: Hello Cthulhu

2009-06-07T19:09:00.000-07:00

Phase One was to win the hearts of a worldwide army of weak mortals, all in the guise of cuteness, pinkness and kitty-ness. The use of a bow on one ear and an array of equally cute "friends" aided in achieving this feat of near-universal psychological dominion.

Now -- Phase Two. The stars and the earth are once more ready for Them, ready for a glorious resurrection. All the earth will flame with a holocaust of ecstasy and freedom!

New Sale Shirts

2009-06-05T05:59:00.000-07:00

Word has come down from Central Galactic Command: ADJUST UNIT PRICING IMMEDIATELY.

Please be enjoying these monetary savings.

Ninjas Killed My Family - now starting at just $8! While supplies last.

I Spell Fun D-&-D and I Spell Fun R-P-G - reductions continue to the substrate-bottom price of $5! While supplies last.

Level 70 - this retro World of Warcraft shirt can belong with your possessions for merely $8! While supplies last.

And finally but certainly not insignificantly, two "classics" from the genre of science-and-fiction, reduced for only a limited time: Trekkie and He's Dead, Jim - both now just $15! No limit.

Please recall: all sale items can be found on the sale item page.

New Shirt: Rekall

2009-03-07T08:54:00.000-08:00

Do you dream of a vacation at the bottom of the ocean?
But you can't float the bill?

Have you always wanted to climb the mountains of Mars?
But now you're over the hill?

Then come to Rekall, Incorporated. Where you can buy the memory of your ideal vacation. Cheaper, safer and better than the real thing. So don't let life pass you by. Call Rekall. For the memory... of a lifetime.

Inspired by the 1990 classic sci-fi movie Total Recall.

The Case of the Missing Sizes

2009-02-17T10:12:00.000-08:00

We discovered last night that inventory errors in our database were keeping a bunch of our shirts from being listed as available in some sizes. These sizes included women's small, 3X-Large and 4X-Large.

That is, we do offer those shirts in those sizes — we even have stock on hand for most of them — but the size dropdown on those pages didn't list them that way.

So if you've ever wanted a particular shirt of ours, but it didn't look like we had your size, you should check again.

Though we offer the full range of sizes on most of our shirts, we unfortunately still aren't able to offer all sizes for all shirts at this time. It's simply a matter of whether we can get those sizes from our wholesaler in the color we want.

If there's ever a shirt you want in a size that we don't have, let us know, and we'll see what we can do!

Super Duper Mega Hyper Giga Mondo Monster Sale

2009-02-05T10:56:00.000-08:00

This is the first time we've done a large scale sale like this: we've put more than half our shirts — 45 in total — on serious sale: just $10 each! (2XL, 3XL & 4XL are slightly more.)

All kinds of shirts are included in this gigantic sale: movie shirts, gamer shirts, geek shirts, and of course, the just plain far out. But act soon: these prices are only good between now and Feb. 14!

Tell a buddy, bring a friend: it's the Far Out Shirts Super Duper Mega Hyper Giga Mondo Monster Sale!

Far Out Tweets

2009-01-17T09:03:00.000-08:00

We invite you to follow us on the Twitter, if you swing that way.

Big news will still always be posted to this blog and sent via the email newsletter. On the Twitter feed, we'll post more non-site-related stuff: other shirts (from other sites, *gasp*!), geek culture, etc. You can see the 3 latest tweets over there on the right-hand side of this page.

Try it.

Spelling Problems with Little Lebowski Urban Achievers

2009-01-06T19:23:00.000-08:00

There's plenty of embarrassment to go around on this one. Somehow, we all missed this, from the designer to the printer: it's spelled "achievers", not "acheivers". Ugh!

Our mistake is your chance to get a bargain: this misprint is going for just $5. While supplies last! Maybe if you hang out with poor spellers, nobody will ever notice...

To customers who ordered & received this misspelled version of the shirt: too bad! It was misspelled in the picture, and that's exactly what you got, suckers! Just kidding, just kidding: we'll be getting in touch with you to make it right. If you have any questions, just contact us.

(We do have the corrected version of the shirt, too.)

Printing Problems with Donnie's Deadline

2009-01-06T18:23:00.000-08:00

After trying every trick in the book, we've finally admitted defeat on getting our Donnie Darko inspired Donnie's Deadline shirt printed.

We wanted it to look like this:

But as you can see in these photographs of the final shirt, the closest we could get was this:

(click to see full size)

We still want to have a shirt that pays homage to Donnie Darko, one of the coolest cult-classic movies in modern cinema, but we're going to have to go back to the drawing-board for one that will print right.

Until then, you can pick up the result of our less-than-successful experiment for the rock-bottom price of $5. While supplies last!

To customers who already bought Donnie's Deadline: we know you didn't get the shirt you thought you were getting. We'll be getting in touch with you to make it right. If you have any questions, as always, you're welcome to contact us.

Christmas Deadline: 12/19

2008-12-15T11:05:00.000-08:00

The very very most lastest day to order from us and get your shirts by Christmas is this Friday, Dec. 19.

That's for orders to be shipped within the United States only. We'll ship foreign orders as quickly as possible, but cannot guarantee they'll arrive by Christmas.

Guarantee
If you order Far Out Shirts on or before Friday, Dec.19, to be shipped anywhere within the United States, we'll refund your shipping charge if you don't receive your shirts by Thursday, Dec. 25.

Bye, Edith

2008-12-07T13:35:00.000-08:00

The weird posts by "edith", functionary of the secret one world government, disappeared from our blog sometime last night. I'm not sure if she was found out, or moved elsewhere, or what. Probably she just didn't have the time or determination to keep up a bizarre scheme like that. In any case, from here on out it will just be shirt stuff. We hope.

Speaking of shirts, don't forget we have them for sale. Apparently there's some big holiday coming up, which includes a lot people exchanging gifts with each other. Please remember that T-shirts, ours in particular, make excellent gifts.

Far Out Sale Shirts

2008-11-02T08:28:00.000-08:00

We're excited to announce a new section of the Far Out Shirts site: the sale page.

Our first batch of sale shirts are some real steals, with prices starting at $12. That's more than 35% off our usual price of $19! They include "Minimum Flair" for Office Space fans, "Ninjas Killed My Family" for ninja-raised orphans, and more.

These are clearance items, so act soon. Once they're gone, they're gone for good!

New Shirt: Donnie's Deadline

2008-09-18T19:23:00.000-07:00

If a Tangent Universe occurs, it will be highly unstable, sustaining itself for no longer than several weeks.
28 days... 6 hours... 42 minutes... 12 seconds. That... is when the world... will end.

New Shirt: Little Lebowski Urban Achievers

2008-09-03T19:07:00.001-07:00

These are Mr Lebowski's children, so to speak. Racially, he's pretty cool, you might ask? No, no, no. They're not literally his children. They're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers. Inner city children of promise, but without the necessary means for a higher education.

"R.P.D.M.": Far Out Shirts Design In Movie

2008-08-05T16:57:00.000-07:00

Here at Far Out Shirts, our involvement with movies is usually limited to making designs inspired by them. So we were excited to be contacted by independent filmmaker Mark Harris of Desperate Comfort Films about using an image from one of our shirts in a short film.

The film, finally done and fresh from winning 2nd place in a film festival in Los Angeles, is great. You can't miss our shirt design, which is from Cthulhu For President, one of our most popular shirts.

NOTE: The film is unrated, but is definitely "not suitable for work". I'd hazard to guess that if it were rated by the MPAA, it would be in the "R" neighborhood (drug use, violence, brief nudity; all that good stuff).

That disclaimer out of the way, ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present: R.P.D.M.

Everyone Welcome Edith

2008-07-17T10:06:00.000-07:00

Hi, everybody. Chris from Far Out Shirts here. I tried to log in yesterday to write a short post, and found our blog had a, um, new guest author. "Edith," who works for the secret one world government, or something like that.

It also had a new password, and I couldn't log in. Great, I thought. We've been hacked.

So I tried to send this Edith person an email, but it bounced. And before I even had time to finish double-checking the address, I got another email. It had no sender or reply-to addresses, and no routing information.

Here's the full contents of the message:

dude, don't waste my time. if you want access back to your zero-audience blog, log in as [REDACTED], password [REDACTED]. but don't mess with me.

edith

Sure enough, the login worked. But I didn't have any administrative access to the blog anymore; I could only post stories, and edit the ones I posted. Totally unacceptable.

I didn't know how she got that bounced email before, but it seemed like somehow I could communicate with her that way. So I wrote another, angrier message. I think I threatened to close the account if I had to. Anyway, that was a big mistake, though I didn't realize it until later. At the time, all I got was another message. Again, it came immediately and had no sender information at all. All it said was, "dude, seriously. what did i tell you?".

Half an hour later, my cell phone went dead. I called AT&T from a landline, but despite spending an hour and a half on the phone with them, they couldn't find any trace that I'd ever had an account with them.

On my drive home that night, I was stopped and ticketed four times. And when I got home, I found my city water bill, in an envelope postmarked two days ago, was for $17,543. It also said that the name of my "personal customer account manager" was -- you guessed it -- Edith. Though it was printed on my bill as "edith", all lowercase, like she writes.

I got the hint. Edith, enjoy the blog. I'm still a little hurt that she thinks our blog is so obscure that she could publish humanity's deepest, darkest secrets here.

Oh well. At least it'll be updated occasionally now, I guess.

P.S. The post I was going to write yesterday wasn't much, anyway. Just a link to this guy's Teach the Controversy shirts. Making fun of this "intelligent design" bullshit, they're just really funny and well-done. Hats off to you, Jeremy Kalgreen. We're jealous.

Drawing Winners

2008-04-26T08:55:00.000-07:00

It's time -- past time, actually -- for some free shirt giveaways. Since it's been more than a month since our last, we're going to pull TWO lucky winners out of the helmet this time (emails obscured to protect the innocent):

AMAZINGLY LUCKY WINNER NUMBER 00001:
archer873@xxxxxxxx.com.au

SHOCKINGLY LUCKY WINNER NUMBER 00002:
Sillylillydog@xxxxxxxx.ca

We've also sent emails to these amazingly, shockingly lucky individuals. All they have to do is tell us which shirt they want, and where they want it sent.

Meanwhile, condolences to all of you who didn't win. We won't say, "lost". "Winning-challenged", how about that? And unfortunately, this drawing was the last chance, as we're going to stop doing these freebies. For a while, at least. Thanks for playing!

P.S. We're putting the kibosh on this promotion because we're starting another one. It will only be available to our email newsletter subscribers, though, so you might want to make sure that you're signed up for that! The sign-up blank is over there in the right-hand sidebar. (If you're not sure if you're already subscribed, just sign up anyway; our email system will make sure you're only on the list once.)

Shop Now For Mother's Day

2008-04-10T11:24:00.000-07:00

Mother's Day is coming (in the U.S.): May 11th. And some of our shirts would be totally, absolutely, unreservedly perfect for your ma. Others wouldn't. For your convenience, the 2008 Far Out Shirts Mother's Day Shopping Guide.

We carefully selected the following designs, hoping to suit the tastes and preferences of most woman who have given birth to you, along with an indicator (YES vs. NO) of how they held up in a survey of similar women recently conducted in local leek-farming communes. There may also be others we missed: see them all and decide for yourself.

YES

YES

NO

YES

NO

YES

NO!!

New Shirt: Prepare To Die

2008-04-08T12:11:00.001-07:00

Are you seeking revenge on a man with six fingers on his right hand? Have you dedicated your life to the study of fencing? Are you not left-handed? Familiar with Bonetti's Defense and Agrippa? Then this is the shirt for you, my friend. Passing it up would be inconceivable.

In: Movies & TV