Difficult-To-Believe $10/$15 Winter Sale
Attention revelers and gift-givers of Earth.
In anticipation of the massive exchange of gifts which many of the inhabitants of your planet undertake around the winter solstice, we have once again drastically reduced the prices of our upper body garments.
You may have difficulty believing the extent of these discounts. That is normal. Breathe deeply and consume depressants and/or sedatives as necessary to aid you. Your eyes do not deceive you; these prices are real in your plane of existence.
All clearance-level garments (which are, frankly, extremely numerous) are being sold for only $10. All remaining shirts, even the most sought-after and best selling, can be purchased for just $15, a discount of approximately 21.0526315789474%.
See the $10 clearance shirts here, and see the $15 sale shirts over there.
Note: to ensure your order arrives before the observed anniversary of the birth of the Christian figure Jesus on December 25, you must place your order with us on or before December 14. (Or you must be able to travel through time, though of course the very few of you who possess this ability already knew/know/will know that.)
END COMMUNICATION
In anticipation of the massive exchange of gifts which many of the inhabitants of your planet undertake around the winter solstice, we have once again drastically reduced the prices of our upper body garments.
You may have difficulty believing the extent of these discounts. That is normal. Breathe deeply and consume depressants and/or sedatives as necessary to aid you. Your eyes do not deceive you; these prices are real in your plane of existence.
All clearance-level garments (which are, frankly, extremely numerous) are being sold for only $10. All remaining shirts, even the most sought-after and best selling, can be purchased for just $15, a discount of approximately 21.0526315789474%.
See the $10 clearance shirts here, and see the $15 sale shirts over there.
Note: to ensure your order arrives before the observed anniversary of the birth of the Christian figure Jesus on December 25, you must place your order with us on or before December 14. (Or you must be able to travel through time, though of course the very few of you who possess this ability already knew/know/will know that.)
END COMMUNICATION
posted at 5:42 PM
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