Everyone Welcome Edith

Hi, everybody. Chris from Far Out Shirts here. I tried to log in yesterday to write a short post, and found our blog had a, um, new guest author. "Edith," who works for the secret one world government, or something like that.

It also had a new password, and I couldn't log in. Great, I thought. We've been hacked.

So I tried to send this Edith person an email, but it bounced. And before I even had time to finish double-checking the address, I got another email. It had no sender or reply-to addresses, and no routing information.

Here's the full contents of the message:

dude, don't waste my time. if you want access back to your zero-audience blog, log in as [REDACTED], password [REDACTED]. but don't mess with me.

edith

Sure enough, the login worked. But I didn't have any administrative access to the blog anymore; I could only post stories, and edit the ones I posted. Totally unacceptable.

I didn't know how she got that bounced email before, but it seemed like somehow I could communicate with her that way. So I wrote another, angrier message. I think I threatened to close the account if I had to. Anyway, that was a big mistake, though I didn't realize it until later. At the time, all I got was another message. Again, it came immediately and had no sender information at all. All it said was, "dude, seriously. what did i tell you?".

Half an hour later, my cell phone went dead. I called AT&T from a landline, but despite spending an hour and a half on the phone with them, they couldn't find any trace that I'd ever had an account with them.

On my drive home that night, I was stopped and ticketed four times. And when I got home, I found my city water bill, in an envelope postmarked two days ago, was for $17,543. It also said that the name of my "personal customer account manager" was -- you guessed it -- Edith. Though it was printed on my bill as "edith", all lowercase, like she writes.

I got the hint. Edith, enjoy the blog. I'm still a little hurt that she thinks our blog is so obscure that she could publish humanity's deepest, darkest secrets here.

Oh well. At least it'll be updated occasionally now, I guess.

P.S. The post I was going to write yesterday wasn't much, anyway. Just a link to this guy's Teach the Controversy shirts. Making fun of this "intelligent design" bullshit, they're just really funny and well-done. Hats off to you, Jeremy Kalgreen. We're jealous.